Letting Go Of Judgement
Judgement comes in two forms, judgement of ourselves and judgement of others. For me, it's been one of the hardest things to let go of and this is still an on going journey as both forms of judgement feel so ingrained that they're almost involuntary.
It feels so natural to jump to a judgement about someone's behaviour or views when it doesn't fall in line with my ridged boxes of what is 'right' and 'wrong', 'good' and 'bad'. And it feels more natural still to have running self judgement constantly playing in my head.
We judge when our values are not in alignment with another's values, but does that make their values wrong and ours right?
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“...research tells us that we judge people in areas where we're vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we're doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's choices. If I feel good about my body, I don't go around making fun of other people's weight or appearance.
~ Brené Brown
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This is a brilliant quote. We judge people only in areas where we ourselves are vulnerable to shame.
We judge someone who drinks too much if we think people might judge us for how much we drink. We judge someone who wears a skirt that's too short if we think we couldn't wear that without judging ourselves or having others judge us. So, next time you find yourself engaging in these thoughts, notice what you're doing.
When we judge, it drains our happiness and brings us into a negative place. It separates us from love, from others and from happiness. Creating distance from ‘those we’re better than’ and ‘those we’re worse than.' The real beauty and happiness actually lies in unity. Judging pulls us apart from people rather than allowing us to find connection and this can become a lonely place.
Gabrielle Bernstein says in A Course in Miracles “I choose to judge nothing that occurs” and I think this is a wonderful mantra to use. Since saying this to myself, I've found that it's been quite freeing as I let go of the idea that it's my place to judge anything that occurs.
If anyone would like to try and let go of some of their judgmental behaviours, try these steps and let me know how you get on.
Each time you find yourself judging either yourself or others:
- Take a deep breath
- Imagine that judgement just floating away
- Instead of judgement, send love and light
- Forgive yourself for judging
Judging drains us. It drains our energy and our resources and serves nothing and nobody, especially not ourselves.
I'd love to hear how you get on with trying to let go of judgement, so keep me updated :)
As Mother Theresa said "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
I’ll leave you with these questions I often ask myself.
Who are we to judge anyone? Why do we think we know better or would do better or that they should do better? Letting go of those ideas can also be quite liberating.
Sending love and light,